Don’t Call It a Comeback​

...and we’re back. After taking a few years off from writing power rankings, I’ve returned with a rejuvenated hatred for all your teams. I won’t do these every week (given my busy schedule as a full-time employee and part-time grad student), but I will do my best to periodically carve out time to explain why you’re bad at fantasy football.

Background​

The Winner Is a Tryhard, affectionately known as TWIATH, began in 2014 and has been going strong ever since. We started our journey on ESPN before migrating to Sleeper in 2020. A few years ago, ESPN quietly deleted many leagues’ histories without warning, including ours. We had previously stored some historical data in an EBS snapshot in AWS, but sadly, we haven’t been able to recover the full dataset. Since Sleeper provides an API for accessing data (and most of us are nerds who work as technology professionals), we opted to use this to create a data lake in AWS to prevent this from happening again. More importantly, we wanted to use this data to start answering some important questions, such as, who is the luckiest person in league history?

Dragonball Zeke | 8-4W/L | 1421PF​

Week Twelve Points: 133.9​

This team slaps harder than Will Smith on Oscars night. Having Josh Allen, Nick Chub, and Justin Jefferson makes for a high ceiling and a high floor. Throwing in the fact that Kenneth Walker has kept up a surprisingly good pace of points and Hockenson being traded off the Lions makes this team that much scarier. Even his weak points can rack up some double D points in Deebo and Diante. The one risk is that his bench looks pretty shaky, but if the team stays healthy, only luck will keep Scottie from bringing home the Cathy.

Dragonball Zeke | 5-1W/L | 748PF​

Week Six Points: 128.1​

Topping off the charts with 748 PF is Scottie. This team looks as unstoppable as the 2005 Texas Longhorns. The scary part is points are distributed around the whole team. The bench even has some serviceable contributors in times of need. Barring some bad luck, this team may be headed to the Rose Bowl to battle for the championship.

Fullmetal Ekelerist | 1-1W/L | 201PF​

Week Two Points: 121.5​

It was a close race for first place, but I’m giving Callen a slight edge. He’s been building for a while, and it’s finally paying off. His efforts are stacked. Everything has just been pulling together nicely. The beard is strong, but the flow is where Callen got my #1 vote. It’s thick and luscious; enough said.

Saquon deez nuts | 1-0W/L | 115PF​

Week One Points: 115.5​

TFW you waste an entire roster spot all year for Michael Thomas, then decide not to start him for his first game in two years, and he scores two TDs.

All Gaskin No Breaks | 6-3W/L | 928PF​

Week Nine Points: 92.0​

Big sad about UT and the ‘Stros. My fantasy team is looking good though. Pulling for your fantasy team as well so that we have a better chance for a Holland, Michigan draft in 2022.

Zeke Squad | 3-1W/L | 456PF​

Week Four Points: 127.9​

That is frustrating when you hit that point in the season where you lose all hope.

Moore Cowbell | 2-1W/L | 324PF​

Week Three Points: 110.5​

Bring back kickers.

Zeke Squad | 2-0W/L | 244PF​

Week Two Points: 127.9​

JOHN CAN’T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS. CRAMSEY, WHY DID YOU TRADE WITH JOHN?